what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
