So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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