I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
