party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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