My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
