When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
