too bad you live with your parents still
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
