it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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