Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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