Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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