I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
