So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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