do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
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