fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
