So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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