why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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