So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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