alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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