Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
