google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
