was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
