So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
