Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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