I love black thongs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
