is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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