I wanna passion pit in your ass
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
