listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
