I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
