his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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