I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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