Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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