So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
