I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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