No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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