I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
