I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
