I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
