I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
