I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible idea I love it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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