who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
