Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
