Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
