it was like eating out sand paper
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
