apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
