we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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