She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
