We won't sleep together?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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