the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
