I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
