after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
