It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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