i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
