Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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