Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize