i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
