We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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