I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
