so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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