I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
