He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
