Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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