doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize