It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
