yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
