So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
