you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
