So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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