if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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