is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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