I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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