your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
