im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
