She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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